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1. We stay true to ourselves despite pressure - We maintain our sense of self, even in the face of emotional reactivity, dysfunction, or external expectations.
    

2. We are self-aware – We recognize our emotions, thoughts, desires, boundaries and preferences, independent of family programming, others' expectations, or others' emotional reactivity.
    

3. We are self-defined – We know where we begin and where we end, and where others begin and end, standing strong in our authentic values, expectations, and opinions.
    

4. We are self-regulated - We are able to keep our emotional process separate from others’ emotional processes, and we manage our emotions calmly and clearly, even in reactive situations or with emotionally immature people. This allows us to stay grounded and disrupt anxious dynamics around us.
    

5. We are self-responsible - We take ownership of our emotions, behaviors, responses, beliefs, preferences, boundaries, and well-being without blaming others, expecting them to change, or getting stuck in extreme, all-or-nothing thinking.
    

6. We remain ourselves and let others be themselves - We strengthen who we are without changing for others or expecting them to change for us. We honor our boundaries by adjusting relationships as needed, emotionally and, when necessary, physically, to protect our well-being.
    

7. We respect others' right to remain the same or grow up at their own pace – We allow others the freedom to face life without interfering, even if it is painful, without trying to control, rescue them, or get pulled into their problems. Instead, we maintain healthy boundaries, regulate our reactivity, and practice emotional detachment.
    

8. We focus on our response to dysfunction – Instead of needing to control how others act, we focus on responding effectively with clarity, firmness, detachment, and a commitment to maintaining our true self—whether others like it or not.
    

9. We see our role in relationship dynamics – We identify how our behaviors, patterns, and choices contribute to the continuation of relational dynamics. This allows us to step out of unhealthy roles that no longer serve us or the relationship, disrupt lifelong patterns, and engage more authentically.
    

10. We focus on Emotional Process, not Content – We don’t get caught up in surface-level problems, excuses, manipulations or behaviors (content). Instead, we pay attention to how people relate to each other emotionally and whether those patterns are healthy or not. When we stay focused on the emotional process, we can see what’s really driving the relationship dynamics and respond with clarity.
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